Relationship – keeping joy

Written by Irene Lockett

Most of the time, we judge people by their character and their attributes. We often decide if we believe them based on their previous actions, and that determines the strength of our relationship with them, either in good or bad times. Importantly, we should learn and practice love for all people irrespective of their behaviour, and that will change the relationship for good.

Trust is a fundamental bond in every relationship. Without it, there is no reason to invest in it, the relationship will simply die out. Building trust is a matter of practising good habits. Restoring these relationships will require taking a risk, whether wronged or at fault. Take the first step as an adult in the relationship with a minor, irrespective of age! As adults, we try to control our children sometimes, from the cradle to beyond college, making them perform or live their lives in the way we want. 

Children have feelings, opinions and want others to take that into account. But in thinking of ourselves as nurturer, role model, developer, helper, someone who provides the foundation for the child to build on, to support their growth and development, encouraging their progress and willingness to adapt and change to the seasonal changes in their life will build a fundamental trust in our relationship with them. As they develop, we should give them choices appropriate to their age, whilst providing a foundation of core values and guidelines for living. Encourage them to think through issues that develop their character, discussing the various options with them, thereby recognising their gifts and talents, whilst helping to nurture and develop them, as well as building their confidence, instead of dictating what they are to think.

Every child is unique and gifted in many ways, so as we nurture their gifts, we encourage them to be responsible and independent and avoid trying to turn them into a version of ourselves or making them dependent upon us. As they mature, we must learn to trust them and avoid holding on, smothering them, clinging, trying to control, or resisting their efforts to be independent. If we have to give them the foundation and core values, we need to let them go, trusting they will adhere to it as they explore their world, guiding the future choices they make. We keep our joy knowing we embraced our responsibility of teaching and guiding them and they can meet the challenges they will face in their world better.